Truth & Apology
Take a step back and search within
A simple apology is a little more hard work than you’d imagine. The feeling of need for apology is like a primal switch that tells you to stop, analyse and empathise before proceeding. If something needs reparation, then now is the time to start working on it.
3 Sides To Every Story
In a bid to evoke emapthy, we’re often told that there are 2 sides to every story. In reality however, there are 3. Your side, my side and the truth. When an altercation occurs, there are truths written on the record of time by our actions. If an unbiased outsider were to somehow read a copy of that record, the truth could be found. This is basically how the justice system works (unless you’re OJ). At home, with family or friends, if there’s a feeling of the need for apology, then there is most likely a series of events that have already occured that led you to this point. While many seek to find right and wrong, that is not what’s important here — we want to believe our side is right and so we naturally tend to rationalise our actions and thus justify them. What’s important to note here is that there is another set of actions (also rationalised by their creator) that need to be considered before you can begin to look for the bigger picture. No matter how ridiculous these actions may seem, you cannot disregard them — you’ll need them in order to find the truth and understand the bigger picture.
Finding Truth
In order to find level ground, you will need to unearth truths, from both sides. The funny thing about us humans is that we believe our version of the story to be closer to the truth than the others’. Even if your side may indeed be closer to the truth, you can never really assume that it is the entire truth, because it almost certainly isnt. The first step to finding the truth is communication. Put your ego aside and engage in an earnest conversation. Express your disappointments if you have to but also be open to theirs. Don’t assume the victim role, even if it feel’s like you’ve been wronged. It takes a self-centred, attention-seeking, care-less character to playing the victim, don’t be that person. The hardest part of apology is taking a step back, analysing your actions, owning any wrong doings or oversights from your behalf and apologising for them. While we often find it tempting to point fingers, at this point in time, you should be focused on your actions and not just that of others. Forget about being right or wrong for a second and realise the value in knowing the truth. Once you get a glimpse of the bigger picture, it will make it easier to exercise a little empathy and understand the actions of each other. And that makes it a whole lot easier to make and accept apologies on both sides. In this scene, there are not victims, just progress.
Apology is a period, in which you have a limited amount of time to stop, communicate, listen and grow in order to move forward. As adults, we do not need to fear the risk of being wrong. If you can liberate yourself from that, your world can be a much happier and more secure place.
